viaje luna

(no subject)

once again i'm thinking about going back to school.

i read back over a few entries here tonite, and the impression one would get of my life from the entries contained herein is that there's something that's not working out. basically i seem to be painfully broke all of the time. it's not entirely true, but it is a little bit true. i only get to my financial breaking point a couple of times a year...most of the rest of the time, i love what i do, and i'm good at it, and i'm so thankful that i'm in control of my schedule and my life, and not tied to a high standard of living that requires me to have a job i hate.

most of the time.

but thanks to the current shite economy, i'm finding myself broke in a different way from the one i've grown comfortable with. not "broke" as in i can't go to the bar with you, "broke" as in i can't pay my electrical bill. broke as in i may not have anything to eat next week. even if my student loan deferral is approved (fingers crossed), i'm no longer in a place where "broke" is livable.

this isn't an attempt for sympathy. this is an attempt to explain why something has to change in my life.

...and i know that the above description of just how broke i am may not be the best selling point for grad school.

the #1 reason i am hesitant to even do the research is because of how terrified i am of taking on more debt. i barely made it out of undergrad alive, and *that* was just working to pay new york city living expenses. i'm paying off (or not, as the case may be) the tuition costs now.

but i can't really see a way out of this cycle that doesn't involve a big change of some kind.

is it completely illogical to think that the big change required may be further education?

my mother, judging from the noise she made on the phone this evening when i tentatively said i'd been thinking about it, sees this as an absurd luxury. i went to college once already, didn't i? that's more than anyone else in the family had done.

that is to say: my family would not support me. financially or possibly even emotionally. which is something i'd given up on long ago. but the idea that this may alienate us even further is definitely a consideration.

...the students in the school where i sub sometimes have a program to help them apply for college. because they're all recent immigrants, their families have no experience whatsoever in the american university system. and i couldn't help but think that i need something like that. my family is unable to have informed discussions about the difference, say, between an MA and a comparable MFA. they don't know that you have to pay to apply to places or even that the GRE exists. when i was applying to undergrad, i got a bunch of brochures in the mail, picked one almost blindly, and applied to it and nothing else. things sort of fell in to place, luckily, and it all turned out more or less ok. but grad school is completely uncharted territory. i don't know if it's the right thing for me to do right now. i don't know where to find programs to apply to or how to get in. when i was 17, i was clueless and incredibly fucking lucky. i don't think i can count on that kind of luck again. goals for my life, career-wise: i want to design film and theater sets. i'd like to have the option of teaching at a college level. eventually, someday, when i've done everything else, i think i'd like to do installations.

that doesn't sound impossible, right?
difficult, maybe. but difficult i can deal with.

it's not so much the degree that would theoretically help me
but the skills and maybe the connections that went along with it.

i've been looking, a little obsessively, at the website of the most promising program i've found. mostly the student work samples. and all i can think is, i want to do that.

i've hit the ceiling at the level where i've been working.
i've done everything i can there.
what i want now is to do bigger and better things.

just have to figure out how.
viaje luna

(no subject)

inspired by a long conversation with beller, where we discussed how, among other things, i was taught since before i could read that biblical creation was a fact and not to listen to my science teacher when he talked about fact if you asked my almost 23-yr-old siste who is about to graduate from nursing school today if she believed in evolution, i'm sure she'd say no....i looked up "baptist" on wikipedia.

it's really interesting to read a scholarly article describing...well, you.
or at least a group you once identified strongly with

try it. try looking up, i don't know, "liberal". or "american".
that's you they're talking about.

i like to say that christianity is the foreign country where i grew up. even though i haven't lived there in many years, i can still speak the language, and sometimes i find the old songs comforting.

the wikipedia article jibes pretty well with my understanding of the church.

although they make the baptists sound almost kind of spunky.
i guess maybe they were...for the 17th century.

also, for extra credit: evangelicalism .
we were conservative evangelical baptists (not southern baptists, and not fundamentalist christians), if you're curious.
viaje luna

(no subject)

someday when i look back on my twenties, it will all look like one long, vaguely hungover commute home from williamsburg wearing yesterday's clothes.

but at least i'm enjoying it, right?
viaje luna

meat is morrissey

so you probably know that i've been a vegetarian since i was 18. in the past few months though, i've come to the conclusion that it's better for both me and the environment if i were to give up all the processed soy crapola i've been eating instead of meat and, once or twice a month, have a serving of really good, organic, ethically-raised-whatever actual meat.

it's taken me several months from the realization to actually put it into practice, though. as much as i logically recognized that this would be a better way of eating, i have almost eight years of anti-meat thinking in my past that i had a total mental block about actually putting it in my mouth. not to mention that i've never cooked meat in my life.

so i took formerly-vegan-rob's advice and joined the park slope food co-op , which i'm now obsessed with. it took me several times of actually going before i could work up the courage to buy real meat. but the last time i went a jar of a very specific barbeque sauce was calling to me. so i bought it, and a package of "ethically raised" free-range no-antibiotic chicken legs. and tonite for dinner i made bbq chicken with sauteed lacinto kale and rob's other recommendation: live-cultured sauerkraut , for digestion.

when i first took the chicken out of the oven i was scared of it

but it smelled really amazing
so i tried it
and oh my god, it was delicious.
count me a convert.

i'm still going to be mainly vegetarian though. don't expect me to eat meat on set or in restaurants. with all the beautiful produce i've been getting at the co-op, i've been eating tons more fruit and vegetables. mostly fruit and vegetables, actually. in the past couple of weeks i've probably been eating better than ever before in my life.

so, once or twice a month it is.
viaje luna

(no subject)

I love sarah vowell because she writes history books (the following is from "the wordy shipmates") with sentences like "talking about winthrop's 'a model of christian charity' without discussing ronald reagan would be like mentioning dolly parton's 'I will always love you' and pretending whitney houston doesn't exist."

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viaje luna

(no subject)

The art director reports to the production designer, and more directly oversees artists and craftspeople, such as the set designers, graphic artists, and illustrators who give form to the production design as it develops. The art director works closely with the construction coordinator to oversee the aesthetic and textural details of sets as they are realized. Moreover, the art director helps create Director's visual to be alive and real.

i see this from time to time

people posting "art director needed" ads where their "job description" is copied straight from wikipedia


tell me about YOUR film.

viaje luna


what's the best line someone has used to try to seduce you?

mine was (probably), as said to me by someone with whom i was in a complicated, love-triangle-type scenario:
if this was a movie, the audience would be rooting so hard for you and me to get together.

good line.
although now the audience would just think you were an asshole.
viaje luna

(no subject)

so the global gag rule's out, and gitmo's on its way.

barack hussein obama is president of the united states, hillary clinton is secretary of state, and bushie's back on the ranch where he belongs.

this has been a pretty damn good week for america.

*edit*: this photo is pretty hilarious. look at all the frowny old white guys behind the youthful cool new president!
viaje luna

(no subject)

got a new haircut. it is significantly shorter than i'd expected but i kind of think i like it.

ive decided it's one part little orphan annie, one part dorothy hamill, and a dash of angela davis style 70's "black power!".

the description may sound terrible
but i can kinda rock it.

pics later, maybe
if i can get someone to take them.